Silly Mommy

People often ask us if we tell the boys they were adopted. Of course we do, I answer. How did they react/understand is the inevitable next question. I have a hard time answering this one. It's not like we've ever had a big, sit-down talk with them about it. For one thing, they are still pretty young to understand such a big concept (4.5 years old and almost-3 years old). But even more than that, it is just something that is talked about openly and frequently. We have tons of books about adoption that the boys read, their lifebooks (or at least S's lifebook, since I have yet to get to little Ms) are continually opened and shared, we encourage an interest in all-things Russian, etc. Weeks will go by with no adoption-related talk and then things will come up for several days in a row that pertain in some way to adoption. We don't push their stories on them but we don't avoid them either. We celebrate the fact that they came into our family through adoption, but we don't want them defined by this either. It just "is".
Anyway, I often wonder how much the boys understand in terms of the way our family was formed as opposed to others. Last week S showed me how much he understands:
Everyday after nap, S comes up (before M wakes up) and crawls in my lap and wants to talk. It's our special time together and we discuss anything he wants. Sometimes he talks about the cows in the field across the road, others times about what he is going to do with the afternoon. Lately he has wanted to discuss Russia and adoptions. Last week, he crawls up in my lap and says he wants to talk about us going to Russia to meet HotDog. S is a very methodical/organized little boy so he likes to hear about every step of the process. I tell him that we'll fly to Astrakhan, go and meet the MOE, get a picture of HotDog and hear about some medical information. Then we'll go to the house where the babies live and we'll get to meet her. S then interrupts to say "And you'll get to hold her on your belly." This threw me for a second and I thought, here is a great teaching moment about birthparents. So I start in on HotDog won't be in my belly..." And then S interrupts again, with the most incredulous look on his face, and says "No Mommy. I know that HotDog grew in another lady's belly, like M and me. And now she lives in a house with other babies until their mommys and daddys come to pick them up. I mean, you'll carry her on your belly in the new bag you got in the mail (the new Ergo baby carrier I ordered)."
I'm pretty sure he "gets it".

I'm Back

It's amazing how a weekend surrounded by friends and family can change one's outlook on a dismal situation.
I had such a delightful weekend. On Saturday I met up with 3 of my college roommates for lunch and shopping. We laughed, gossiped, and made plans for all of our families to get together several times this summer.
Then on Saturday night, Stu and I and the boys visited with some family that was in from California. My family is big and loud and likes to have a good time. There was plenty of food, beer, and music. After a fun night, we stumbled into our beds at 2:00 a.m. and even the boys slept-in until 10:00 the next morning. Yeah!
On the adoption front, after our disappointment last week we had several conversations with our coordinator and the Russian program director. I came away feeling much better about everything. I think somewhere in the waiting process I lost sight of the big picture and was more concerned with how much longer our wait would be, where are we in line, etc. It was almost as if I forgot that at the end of this there is a little girl that will be joining our family (not that I actually "forgot" this but you get the picture). It took our coordinator saying "Your daughter is waiting" to make me take a step back and realize that this isn't about me or Stu or what is fair, it's about bringing our daughter home. People may call me naive or silly or whatever, but I absolutely believe that there is a big plan out there for each of us. I refuse to believe that things happen by chance and that some of us have good luck and some have bad. Having lost both of my parents and my older brother by the time I was 25 years old, I have to believe that there is some purpose in what happens and that life isn't just a random chance. If not I would feel like Eeyore and a little black cloud was following me around. When the time is right, our daughter will find her way to us. And whenever that happens, we will be ready for her with open arms.

The Calm After the Storm

Okay, after taking a little while to digest the latest news, and a few discussions with our agency, I'm in a little bit better frame of mind tonight.
I think I'll still be taking a break from adoption "stuff" for a bit, but I wanted to give a brief explanation of what happened.
Our agency made the decision to move a few families that had been stuck in other regions for over a year to regions that were moving the quickest. Unfortunately for us, that meant transferring some families to our region. And since families are placed "in line" by the date of dossier submission, that meant the transferring families moved ahead of us. They say that this is a decision which they don't take lightly and very rarely make. I absolutely understand the need to help these families and would want the same consideration if we were in that situation, however it sucks for us right now. I don't agree with the policy but it is what it is and there is nothing I can do but sit back and wait.
At this point it's looking like a couple more months before we'll receive a referral. And that is okay. I'll have a wonderful, carefree summer with the boys and enjoy every minute of it.
Thank you for all of your good thoughts and prayers. The adoption community includes some of the most supportive people I've ever met. I'll still be lurking around other blogs but for now I need a breather from the craziness. I'll be back soon.

Disappointment

So we found out yesterday that two more families have jumped ahead of us in line in our region. To say we are upset and disappointed is an understatement. I think I need to take a break from all things adoption-related for a little while, including this blog. I'll be back when I'm in a better place. Right now I'm just sick of this roller-coaster.

Anticipation

Now that the wedding festivities for SIL have died down and the Kentucky Derby is over (a big event in this area and a vital part of Stu's new job), life is back to a normal pace. I find myself savoring every moment with S and M, knowing how much their little worlds are going to be rocked soon with our travels to Russia and the addition of HotDog. I woke up in a great mood this morning: the sun was shining and there is so much that I am anxiously awaiting:

-Accreditation of some agencies (although it may not happen immediately, I think the small activity we're seeing right now should bring good news soon)
-our 7th anniversary is next weekend (I can't believe it's been 7 years?!!?)
-And of course, the big PHONE CALL! Realistically I don't think we'll hear anything before the beginning of June, but still...that's only a few weeks away. I'm getting so excited just thinking about how close we are.

All of this anticipation is leading to a serious case of nesting too! Although we've lived in this house for 2.5 years now, there are still so many things we need to do to put our mark on this place. Between a major renovation on the outside and M's adoption, the inside of our house has been put on the back burner. Well, yesterday I went shopping for all of those finishing touches that I've dreamed about since we moved in. At last we can finally make this house our home. I'm also dying to start on the nursery but little M is resisting all efforts to move out and make way for his little sister. I thought he would be thrilled to move into a big boy room but he will have none of it. We've still got awhile before HotDog will need it so we'll just keep gradually nudging him towards it. In the meantime, I've got plenty to do to keep me occupied.

Cuteness Alert!

**Photos deleted**


I don't have time for much of a post but I wanted to share a couple of pictures from this weekend. The wedding was fantastic and S did great! I was not expecting him to walk down the aisle (he's so bashful), but he did with a huge smile on his face. I was so proud! The first picture is S and me before the wedding and the second one is Stu with both boys. Is there anything cuter than a little boy in a tux?! Now that the wedding is over I should have more time to obsess over the never-ending wait for a referral.
*I'll probably only leave this up for a few days as I'm not entirely comfortable having pictures of S and M out there for everyone to see.